i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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