Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We are all done wearing pants today
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
