i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My Sexting was not on an AP level
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
