I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
