So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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