I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So much rum. So many feels.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
