hell yes lets make some ravioli
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
