you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
