No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
