i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
