I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
