Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
