my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
