i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
