Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize