fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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