wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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