All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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