are you still at the devil's house?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
