do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
