Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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