How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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