I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize