I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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