you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
