I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
