i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
