If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
