when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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