I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
