I bet he comes in French.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
