operation harelip BJ is a go
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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