we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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