I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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