So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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