never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize