I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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