You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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