just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
