Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
