y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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