You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
