so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
