i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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