I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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