forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize