I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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