No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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