Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
