Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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