drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
