dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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