I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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