I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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