Do you still have your period?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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