He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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