Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
