why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize