I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
