my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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