You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
