Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
