When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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