It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
