There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
