Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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