he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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