just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize