You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
