...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize