she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
