so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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