you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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