i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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