Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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