I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
