how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
