he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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