I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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