Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I AM VODKA MAN
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize