so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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