1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
