I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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