capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
