i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
