Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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