JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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