saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
