I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
