Jerry, you need to find god
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
