I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize