I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
