you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
