did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize